What does emotionally unavailability mean?
Emotional unavailability refers to the inability to maintain emotional bonds in a relationship. It can manifest as distance, indifference, and lack of commitment.
What does emotional unavailability mean?
Since a happy and healthy relationship is based on openness, honesty, mutual respect, and trust, it can be hard to understand and deal with emotionally unavailable people: what's more, it's often difficult for us to spot them early on. People will often try to rationalise a partner's behaviour in a relationship, making excuses for them and having way too much hope that they'll change if we just give them time. Patience and understanding are important, but not when you're dealing with someone who will never be able to reciprocate emotionally.
What could be the potential signs of an emotionally unavailable person?
If you're worried that your partner might fall into a particular category, these eight key signs can help you learn if they're someone who's truly emotionally unavailable.
1. They don't open up to you
One of the most common signs that someone is emotionally unavailable is that they don't reveal or show their actual feelings. And while you may encourage them to open up and be able to express their emotions, they never let their guard down around you to say what's really on their mind.
For example, rather than confiding in you and talking about a bad day at the office or a disappointing night out with friends, they choose to keep their feelings bottled up inside and not express to you what they're thinking. And if your partner is this complicated and hard to read, it's not hard to see that there may be an issue with emotional unavailability and detachment.
2. They're not comfortable with emotions
An emotionally unavailable person is also not receptive or supportive when you express your feelings. If your partner becomes uncomfortable, put off, frustrated, or withdrawn when you choose to open up and be vulnerable, this is an indicator that they're not good at handling emotions, both their own as well as yours. In a deep, meaningful, and long-lasting relationship, you and your partner should lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a helping hand, but if your partner isn't willing or able to be there for you when you need them the most, this is a sign that you're with someone emotionally unavailable.
3. Their past remains a mystery to you
This type of person is also hardly ever open, honest, and forthright with you about the happenings in their past. And while they certainly don't need to divulge every single detail about their relationship history and life story, it's important to keep in mind that having a strong relationship means that you and your partner openly share and get to know each other on a deep level. However, if they choose to keep you completely in the dark about key details of their past, this can be a sign that they're refusing to let you know more about their life. When a person chooses to be a book, it's a major warning sign.
Further, if they don't open up and you find out they've never been in a serious or committed relationship, take that as a warning sign. This combination could indicate that they enjoy intimacy, but they're scared of committing to intimacy.
4. They often resort to sarcasm
Have you noticed that they brush everything off with a joke or sarcastic comment? Rather than expressing anger, fear, sadness, or disappointment, an emotionally unavailable person turns things into a joke to avoid dealing with raw emotions and remain strong and unfazed in your eyes. Making a joke or telling a partner not to feel emotional about it is a common mechanism for the emotionally unavailable to try to control the discussion.
For instance, even if your partner is upset and hurt that they were passed over for a promotion, they will somehow turn it into a joke and laugh in front of you, so they do not have to process, deal with, and talk about what they're feeling inside.
When they use sarcasm as a defence mechanism and resort to laughter over honesty, it's clear that they are cutting themselves off emotionally from you.
5. You can never reach them
If a person is emotionally unavailable, they will likely put physical distance between you as well. If they ghost you and then reappear again out of the blue, take forever to respond to texts, or put long gaps in between dates, they might be emotionally unavailable.
6. They never make an effort
We all want our partners to do more, but a person who never makes an effort is a red flag. They anticipate being let down, so they don't make the effort. If you notice you're always the one planning dates and following up after a date, you might be dating someone emotionally unavailable.
7. They choose physical intimacy over emotional intimacy
It's also quite common for this type of person to want to be physical with you before an emotional connection has been established. Be aware of sexual cues given too early. Emotionally unavailable partners often choose physical intimacy over emotional intimacy to avoid dealing with the messiness, seriousness, or complications that emotions can bring into a relationship.
If they tend to transition into being physical with you amidst potentially deep, emotional, and personal conversations, it's a sign that they are the type of a person who is emotionally detached.
8. They are slow to commit to you
An emotionally unavailable person is typically not willing or able to truly commit to you and be loyal to you. This type of person will often want to keep things casual and undefined so as to not deal with any of the emotional components that go into a long-term relationship. Emotionally unavailable people will often jump from one fling to fling because they don't have to fully invest more than what they're willing to or comfortable with.
If you'd like to take your relationship with a person to the next level but they want to remain unattached, friends with benefits, or keep options open, this can be a clear sign that they are emotionally unavailable
Reflective Questions:
1. Which signs do you notice in your relationship?
2. What would you like to do differently after recognizing the sign?
3. Would you reach out to a Relationship Coach, to work around on the "How" to overcome the challenges in building healthy relationships from an emotionally unavailable partner? If yes, please contact the author Anushly Sithamparam through website or on Whats App +94777339307.